You are too hard on yourself. How do I know this? Because I am too hard on myself! We all have a tendency to put pressure on ourselves. Why do we do this? I have learned it’s because of pressure, stress, negative thoughts, self-punishment, control, demands, perfectionism, and a combination of overwhelming things in our lives.
We might have picked up the message that “Making a mistake is a really bad thing.” We practice perfectionism to protect ourselves. In most cases, to avoid being criticized by someone else. And it becomes automatic.
Stop Being Too Hard on Yourself
Stop this habit. Unlearning this habit is healthy. Start by telling yourself that making a mistake is okay and we all do it and we all learn things from the mistake. It’s how we learn. You are human. All humans make mistakes. We will never be perfect. And if you feel pressured by another person or situation to be perfect… Run! Seriously. Get away from it. Remove yourself from this situation. Distance yourself from this person. Move on without them.
You gain nothing by being too hard on yourself but negative feelings, thoughts, pressure, stress, and worry. You must change your thoughts to more positive thoughts right as they come. Immediately.
For example: I cut a lady off and took a parking space that she wanted at the store today and she was angry with me. She jumped out all mad and said not-so-nice things to me, I just stood there feeling embarrassed. I walked into the store feeling like a failure. A voice inside my head was saying, “Why did you do take her spot stupid?” and “You are a terrible driver.” But you should STOP all the negatives talk and thoughts because. Whoops it was an accident. Big deal. She will get over it. Acknowledge what you can do differently next time and move on. You have learned from this.
Learning and Experiencing Life
Learning and experiencing life is part of our journey. Making mistakes is part of that journey. Learning from our mistakes and successes make us who we are and head us in a forward direction. And we can certainly just apologize to that woman we cut off in the store parking lot after she airs out her anger onto us. Just say “I am sorry ma’am.” and walk on. That’s enough. You’ve done enough. You are enough.
We can be really good at putting pressure and stress and worry on ourselves. And as I mentioned in the first paragraph I believe there are many reasons that we might do this. But we must be better at forgiving ourselves and moving on.
Criticized By Them
It’s not easy to stop the habit of negative talk and thoughts. It has been something that you’ve done to yourself for a long time. It’s programmed inside of you. Many of us do this because of fear of being criticized or yelled at or confronted by another person. I believe we’ve had it happen repeatedly to us over time. That’s why we strive to do better and be perfect, to avoid this. Then if we mess up again we feel defeated even more. So we spiral downward even more.
Some people can just be mean and cruel. You can take it though. If they choose to confront you or speak their mind. Stand and look them in the eye. Say nothing and walk away. Apologize and walk away. Say something with intent, but short, and walk away.
You must remain confident in your thoughts and self-talk, tell yourself “Oh well, he or she can think whatever they want.” Lift yourself up at this point. “I did what I could do.” “She will get over it.” “Things happen, it will be okay.” “She has a right to be mad. I will do better next time.” “ I have learned from this.” That is supporting yourself in a more positive way, making it ok for you to tell yourself that “It happened, I survived, so did they, and I have learned from it.“ It’s over. Move on. Put it behind you.
“Make Positive Self-talk and Thoughts Your New Habit” - Darlene McKinney
Make a promise to yourself for your health, and mental health that you will make positive self-talk and thoughts your new habit. Repeat it. Live it. And if you mess up, so what! Start again. We cannot let people scare or have us fear living our life. We must practice having confidence and practice lifting ourselves up. That’s how we can help ourselves survive this crazy life.
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I am Darlene McKinney, Motivator & Mentor. I love lifting people up, supporting them, and encouraging them to make small changes to Love Your Life! More resources at www.darlenemckinney.com
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