Divorce: Big Egos Kill Marriages

Combine at harvest time

 A marriage is no place for a big ego. It is likely that the person with the big ego will destroy the marriage. This is your warning. This person acts like a big combine running through a field chopping down everything that gets in its way. 

What does ego mean? One of the definitions of ego is the part of your mind that represents your conscious sense of self and personal identity. Signs of having a big ego are a strong need to feel admired, superior, right, or in control, and lack of empathy. 

Oftentimes, the person has a personality disorder. What does that mean?  When personality traits become extreme, when they are rigid and inflexible and make it difficult to deal with people and handle life’s problems, then the person may have a personality disorder. 

When you join in marriage with a man or a woman having these traits, or have children with them, this toxic person never changes. The days ahead will be dangerous and challenging. Big egos kill marriages.

Selfish, Manipulating, Controlling Narcissist. 

Do these words describe someone you are in a relationship with? A parent? A spouse? Things will need to go their way or else. This type of person is a dangerous. This person usually has a big ego. Many can charm the pants off of you and then they turn around and cheat, lie, and physically, emotionally, or verbally abuse you and their family to always get what they want. This person is selfish, manipulating, and usually a controlling narcissist.

Usually, it's their way or the highway. They think they are superior to everyone and try to uphold a respectable public image. They hide their behavior. They have character disorder, narcissism personality, and mental illness. It is all done behind closed doors and kept secret. It is a disease! It spreads throughout generations, because it certainly is not love. If you think this is love, you have been brainwashed or abused. 

Dreams of the Perfect Family

Let’s talk about a young woman who is the dreamer. She dreams of finding her charming prince, she gets swept off her feet by him, she is in love. They get married, they have children. Seems like the perfect life until control, manipulation, verbal and emotional abuse start. He is unsatisfied that she gained pregnancy weight and he wants a trophy wife to uphold his public image. She is an emotional mess. She starts exercising every day. She hears comments all day long about how much weight she's gained with pregnancies. He puts her down. He makes comments about her being his slave. He laughs and thinks it is funny. She cooks. She cleans. She cares for the children. She cries silently, but the children are aware of every tear. They feel every emotion. She is so afraid he will leave her and the children to find another woman. They fight and yell at each other. This is not a happy, loving home. This is not a man who has any respect for his wife. It is disgusting that one person can treat another person this way. 

She stays out of obligation. She stays for the children. He does it, he cheats because he is unstoppable and will do as he chooses with no regard or respect for his wife or children. He tarnishes his reputation, or does it? Some people laugh at the truth rumors. Some people ignore it. The community talks about the big cheat under their breath. His ego just blew up more! 

He even takes their children on vacation with the mistress (who is also married) while living with his wife and children. He filed for divorce and it was in process. Courts made him sign paper to take children out of state. Voices raised over this. Fights happened. The children were witness to it all. Police have been called to the home several times. He moves out. She must find a home for her and children with no money and no job. She must tell the children. 

While bathing them she tells the small children. But when the words come out, the hurt comes out. "Your father is leaving us and doesn't want us anymore." the oldest child is the only one old enough to comprehend what mother said and what was happening. And all she knew was her father was leaving. She thought her dad hung the moon! She knew her dad was funny, loving, and always hugged her and made her feel special. She is wet, naked in the tub and starts screaming. Now they are all screaming. Mother is crying. Telling her to sit down. She does not listen and runs outside naked, screaming and crying to her father. She is devastated. Father yells at mother for telling the children these things. This scene has emotionally scarred the children forever. 

 Thankfully, the mother has family that helps. But she is devastated. She feels so used. She feels angry. She feels a mess. She feels unwanted. She feels unloved. She falls apart. The divorce was final. She tries to pick her life back up. 

She did not plan on this life. She was just looking for love and a family. She is an incredibly strong and good woman. She finds a job. Starts raising kids. But her life begins to spin out of control for years to come in many different ways because of the heartache she experienced in this marriage.

Generational Trauma and Abuse 

They Learn This Selfish, Mean Behavior from Somewhere

It does not take a rocket scientist to know a male parent, like in the story above, has learned this behavior of how to treat a woman from a parent or someone who raised him. He has watched and learned and is repeating this abuse. He will pass on this generational abuse. 

How did your grandparents and great grandparents treat their spouses and their children? Are you seeing and experiencing generational trauma? 

This behavior shows no self-reflection. People like this rarely ask how they can improve, and they do not hold themselves accountable for their wrongdoing. They see themselves as perfect and superior to everyone else. They are selfish, mean, and self-centered.

25 Self-Reflection Questions: Why Introspection Is Important

Remember Your Children Have Ears and Eyes

If you go into a marriage, have the guts to treat her right. Be a real man. Your children are listening and watching and will carry what you teach them about loving someone for the rest of their lives. If their mother is an emotional mess, they will be an emotional mess. 

Awakening with Brian has 1.7 million followers on Facebook. His video messages are powerful. Here are some of his important messages: 

How your father treated your mother showed you what love is supposed to feel like even if it was not love.

How your mother talked to you became your inner voice. 

How your mother handled her emotions taught you how to handle your emotions. 

How your parents treated each other became your blueprint for conflict, closeness, and trust. 

Seek Help

If you have these negative, dangerous qualities or traits, please seek help from a therapist.

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Please seek help or advice from a therapist, other professional, or trusted person before dating or marrying a person with these dangerous qualities. Listen to your own inner voice and gut. Don't commit to someone before really knowing who they are. 

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Meet Your Author: Darlene McKinney I am a survivor!  Bloom Beautiful. I help people focus on their own healing, health, and happiness after or during surviving toxic family dynamics, divorce, toxic relationships & hard seasons. Find your smile again!  

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